Breastfeeding

My first time feeding my son! 

I had no idea then how much I would love feeling my son, Its also super easy to pack up to go anywhere! 

I fought tooth and nail to continue to breastfeed and I find it horrible that people see it as something to be ashamed of or something to hide away! 

I feed my child everywhere I go... he is only 9 weeks old he eats a lot still and I'm NOT going to stay home all the time! 

I get very angry at people who compare feeding a child to horrible, ugly, or sexual things... Sometimes I get too angry I lash out at the wrong people and that I'm working on BUT still why should anyone care how I feed my child?? 

If I fed him in the supermarket no one should even blink an eye at that... I've never been a women with a cause before but now I just feel like I should protect any women who feels put down or ostracized because they are choosing the best posable way to feed there child. 

I only had to deal with that for two days (well 4 days) and I could no imagine living that day to day... no wonder so many people quit! 

Its so hard when you don't have the support! I just had to say thank God for my mom and my husband! 

Well I'll step off my pedestal now hehe! 

Hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas! :) 

Shepard Alexander

So I woke up around 9:30am on Oct 24th with mild period like cramping. Me and my mom had a few errands to run so we had started getting ready for the day, I ate breakfast and played online for a bit. At 1100 am I got into the shower and by 1130 I was really having steady cramps... Well me and my mom really needed to go pick some stuff up so we headed to CVS.

In CVS I had a really strong contraction and was leaning over the counter breathing as the pharmacist was getting my prescription.

Yes I went to CVS IN Labor! haha

After getting everything we needed we headed back to my house... I went to the bathroom and there was a mucusy green glob in the TP when I wiped so I though that maybe it was meconium, so by that point me and my mom started to head into the hospital, thats when I called Tim to come meet me there... We get to the hospital at about 1:30pm and I was really starting to hurt... at one point in the check in at the hospital I was sitting on the floor with my arms in the chair... the ER people where getting a kick out of my labor pains haha!

We get into the room about at about a quarter to 2pm and Tim gets there at about 5 mins later.

I get into bed and they check me and I'm only about 4-5cm... I could not believe that was it! well they started to get me hooked up to everything and get things ready for the baby to come.

They checked me again at about 3pm and I was 8cm and so the doctor and the nurses started to get suited up, by the time they where suited up I was checked again and I was complete and ready to push! I started to push though Shepard's head was sideways... I kept pushing anyways but I could not get him threw my hips so my doctor used the suction cup thing to help me out and in two more pushes we had a baby! :)

He did have to cut me because of his head position and in the last push I still ripped haha

Even though I was cut and ripped I did not feel ANY of it... I also did not feel the "ring of fire" the contractions where the worst of the pain and they only lasted a few mins at a time!

I got to hold my baby right away but he was not as active as they would have liked and so they had to take him from me but kept him in my view... I was so tired but I had to sit there a bit to get stitches, But I got to watch them clean off Shepard... He had a little fluid in his lungs but nothing bad! YAY!

I was so happy to see him crying I started balling like a baby myself! He was born at 3:47pm and weighed in at 8lbs and 4oz! Before I started to push everyone guessed he would be only 7lbs everyone was shocked he weighed so much! And being 3 weeks early!

Not long after all that I got to nurse for the first time, we did alright we got a little latch in about 30 mins...

Now he is nursing like a champ :)

I finally tried to get up around 5pm to use the bathroom, by this point I had not eaten all day and had lost some blood and had a ton of adrenaline pumping threw me SO I got to the bathroom and passed out haha... I should have known better I pass out from getting shots if I have not been eating right... oops

But all in all I was in the hospital for less than 2 hours before I had a baby! I think I had a wonderful birth and if the baby's head would have been in the right place I bet I would not even needed to get stitches!

I'm also super proud of myself for not having any pain meds! :)

My doctor and all my nurses have been calling me there hero the rest of the time I was in the hospital :)

I was released today and am feeling really good and so in love with this little boy that I brought into this world... even on his own time and way... I know already he is a stubborn one :)

Friends family and love...

I love it when you start to see the people who are really there for you!

My dad calls me a ton more than he ever has :)

My mom took the 16+ drive to just help take care of me :)

Takes a huge lode off my husband and keeps him from working full time and taking care of me full time!

Also one of my best friends Megan came to visit me, just to hang out! She is wonderful! My mom has been a blessing!

Another one of my besties Heather came to help out with my shower!

Quite a few of my friends have come out of the woodwork to bring food or just hang out on the afternoons I was alone...

I feel quite blessed, though at the same time there have been those who have disappeared from my life... Some that I really thought would be the first ones to be around. Its really upsetting, though I try to just let things pass by but it hurts :(

Well on baby watch I'm still on bed rest he still looks and sounds great! I'm now 35 weeks and don't have to go to the hospital with a NICU anymore... though dose not mean he would not have to get transferred but his chances of it are greatly lowered so I'm happy about that! At his last appointment he was 6lbs 1oz!

6 days left of bed rest... this is like the end of a deployment... the time has sloooowed wayyyy down haha I need to go back to taking this one day at a time and not looking at it as one more week!

bed rest up...

So I had another appointment and I have increased in dilation I'm almost 3cm now and still 50% effaced but his head is sitting way lower. I also had a featal fibronectin test, basically a test that says if I could go into labor in the next few weeks or so... It came back negative so I got to stay on home bed rest and not be admitted back into the hospital.

My bed rest is a bit more strict now I can still get up to go to the bathroom but thats it now... I'm okay with this but I might start going crazy in another 3 weeks haha

Monday I have another appointment... so fingers crossed for no further change, I so don't want to be on hospital bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy...

life is not fair

From the time I was young I always wanted to be a mommy, but I waited to find the perfect guy... It took some time so I was an older bride than I though I would be, but okay I'm fine with that... But in that time I watched family and friends have oops kids... Ive seen some have abortions I've watched them walk away from there own kids for there own personal wants, and I have watched some take on the responsibility like a champ and be the best parents I know... I've watched grandmothers take custody unselfishly and Daddy's become Daddy's to other people's children...

I've seen both the good and the bad but all knowing I had it together I knew what I was going to do once I put my life together to get there.

And I did! I'm super happy with my life... I'm married to a wonderful man who has a great job with an income that provides for us both, I have the ability to work at my leisure and try and get acting jobs or work in the movies... something I've always wanted to do!

We own our own house have a big back yard and a wonderful dog!

We waited until our lives where ready, we had the "are we ready for kids" conversation and like the adults we where we started to try.

Both of us working on our first marriage and our first kid!

14 months of disappointment and I was diagnosed with PCOS... Though the disappointment did not last long and 6 days later we had the surprise of our lives when the second line turned pink! I though okay now things are ready to get interesting... We talked about the nursery the baby and names!

in 7 months we had the perfect name the perfect nursery, we where excited to meet our little man! Things still needed to get done but we knew we had time and we where in no rush to get him out...

And then at 30 weeks I'm in preturm labor and ventured onto bed rest....

I'm a good person, I've waited to do things right, but in the end I'm still a failed incubator... Where did I go wrong? When did I screw up so bad that I have to worry so much about my child's safety?

I know I'm not as bad as some and most of this is do able, I want my son to be heathy but I'm done with feeling like my life is all about having someone take care of me all the time...

My husband is wonderful but I know I'm taxing on him too, I don't have a lot of friends to call on to help me... but my house is a mess and my nursery needs finishing and I can't get up to do it :(

People think this is a vacation or they just forget I'm on bed rest... both are annoying

Bedrest

At 30 weeks Shepard threw us all for a loop in wanting to be an over achiever like his Daddy and tried making an early appearance!

I had a normal doctor's appointment on September 6^th and I had brought up concern about some spotting I had, so I was checked just to be sure and sure enough I was dilated one centimeter! So I was hoked up to the fetal monitor to check to see if I was contracting and after 20 min's on the monitor they saw that I was every contracting every two minutes!

I was then sent to the hospital where I was put on medications to stop my contractions. After 24 hours my contractions had stopped and the doctors wanted to keep me just one more night for observation before sending me home, during the night something happened to make Shepard’s heart-rate decelerated a few times in the night.

We where then very scared and very concerned for the heath and well being of our sweet baby boy. I had been put on a new medication during my observation, so in just to be safe they changed my meds again.

The next night I still had a few more decels and this really had my doctor concerned because I was in a hospital that did not have a NICU so on the 9^th of September I was moved hospitals.

I spent two night in the new hospital and though I had a few contractions here and there nothing was too bad to raise concern.

By September 12^th I saw a high risk pregnancy doctor who had gone over all my ultrasound I had done and all of my test. He told me that he thought the second meds I was put on had thined out my fulids and made it easer for Shepard to kink his cord, and now all of my fluids where back to normal he was having no more decels.

At that point I was finally released from the hospital and put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.

It's a...

Beautiful baby BOY!!!
It was awesome my mom was here and my baby flashed the camera right away! so much fun :)


My mom snapped a picture of me when I was told it was a boy! I was so excited... I like being right on my hunch! :)

Tomorrow we head out to Disney! I can't wait! We are going with another couple and it should be alot of fun!

I'm not really sure what else to post right now but I wanted to post that I'm having a Son!

Oh and his name is Shepard Alexander :)

A new Tomorrow

I know I'm such a slacker at this haha!
This month is so exciting, My mom is coming in on Tuesday and on Thursday we find out the sex of the baby (if baby lets us! fingers crossed)
I'm not sure what one I'm more excited about more Mom coming or the sex of the baby haha!

Everyone asks what we want... a boy or a girl?

I say both all and even more :)
This go round we don't care what the sex is... I know mommy crap but I want both so how I get them or what order so at this point I don't care.
Part of me wants a girl so my grandma can have a great granddaughter, and my grandma is quite sick and I don't know how much longer she will be around. I really would love to give that to her.
I have a strong feeling it's a boy though...
BUT I just want my baby and I don't care the sex!

I want to find a cute way of announcing on facebook... I saw someone tie a bow in the color of the sex around there belly... that could be fun :)
But I need to really think of something good... I so hate that everyone I know is soo far away... I miss my family

Can't sleep

So Tim has to be up supper early and all I can do is toss and turn so I got up haha

Well I have not been here since I first had my good news :)
I'm still knocked up and starting to feel it too, the other day I sneezed and threw up a little in my mouth yes I know that's hot! hahaha

I get sick if I don't eat and remembering to eat is worse of a pain... every few hours I need something in my tummy... I really hate eating so much.
I need to pick up some fruit to just leave out on the bar!
I've gained on pound and I'm sure its all in my boobs haha
no one seams to know though I went from wearing padded bras to just normal ones haha
Its odd how sore they are but only to the touch in some spots.

I have my first real appointment on Monday and I'm hoping to get to see the little sweet pea (that's how big she is!)

I say she just so I don't sat "it" haha

Sometimes I feel so strong that my baby is two babies! But I'm not sure if that's just wishful thinking :)

I've looked a two gender predictor sites and one says boy and one says girl
and talked to two psychos one said boy and one said girl
So maybe there all right and there are two in there haha

Only two reasons I don't want twins...
1) higher possibility of a C-section
2) I'll need to buy a new car

I don't want to go under surgery and get cut open when I'm awake that just freaks me out thinking about it!

And I just got my car payed off... I really don't want another car payment and I really love my car! its cute and sooo me. I'm not sure I'll ever have a car so many people can look at and say "that's so you" so much haha!

I keep looking a maternity clothing... wow I see so many women looking so cute prego... but the clothing I find is just hideous! I don't want to spend a fortune just to look cute :/

I get sick to my tummy just looking at the stuff much less wanting to buy any of it early!
I bough a couple long tank tops to go under my normal t shirts... so I should be good for a bit with layering.

Oh and I can tell this is Tim's spawn by how HOT I am at night already I swear I already sleep with 2 saunas (Tim and Comet) I don't need a third in me!

Don't get me wrong I love every bit of knowing I have a little person growing inside me! My own flesh and blood bound to me and the person I love most in this world...
How magical...

God has blessed me with the worlds best gift and I just pray I will make a wonderful mommy!
Though Tim has no idea what he is doing he will be wonderful!

I love my life haha

And as everyone keeps telling me... This is only the beginning!

Great day!

... I'M PREGNANT!!!!!

I'm SOOOO excited! Everything is still sinking in!

I never expected it to happen yesterday! I had been on Prometreum to start my period and was told to take a test after I finished just to make sure... and well that is what popped up!!!

I went to the clinic today and got it confirmed by the lab and yes I am finally knocked up!

I have sent my mom flowers that say "Grandma I cant wait to meet you, Nov 2011! Love always Baby Tryon!

I'm waiting for her phone call!!!

I Would Die For That

PCOS

Well yesterday I had my fertility appointment and I had a wonderful experience for the most part.

The day started off crazy when I could not find the place funny its just upstairs from the urgent care center I have gone too haha!
I met my Doc and he is a great doctor, some how my appointment time got mixed up and he still took me at the time I came in!
He was all about starting me out on some drugs to jump start my period and get this ball rolling!

My ultra sound was the best part of my whole thing... I had to get an internal ultrasound and I look at the tech holding this long thing that looked like a dildo and then she pulled out a condom and covered it! Its a DILDO CAM! I could not stop giggling!

Well after I talked to the Doc he told me that I have PCOS
Polycystic ovary syndrome (say "pah-lee-SIS-tik OH-vuh-ree SIN-drohm") is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

I was really upset at first and now I'm glad that I know the problem and that I have a plan on trying to fix it.

It makes since to me all my problems lately, I'm hoping to get my hormones regulated and I can get pregnant and then once I have my baby I can lose all the weight that I have been gaining in this last 6 months :)

I've decided to be positive about everything and take this one day at a time!
It my new motto! Positive!

Last day

Today is bitter sweet, I'm excited to give Eli's (the baby I watch) mom the V-day gift I made for her!
But I also know today is my last day with him :(
Its been 4 weeks with him and I've really enjoyed all the time I've had with him, makes me want my own even more!
Having him around has been less painful I've honestly kept my mind off my own infertility and have just had fun and stayed busy :)
I'll be sad not having him around anymore but it will be nice to sleep in again haha!

But I do know more than anything that I want to get certified in home childcare, and watch one or two babies.
If I knew I could do that full time I would go ahead and convert our spare bedroom into a nursery and get more toys!

I just need to start the steps!

I guess that will be my next step, maybe even set up a mommy's day out for mom's of deployed members where once a week I'll take a baby for a day at no charge.

so I can give back and make all at the same time! :)

I hope I can get going with this! :)

5 months later

And still no baby and still no baby on the way.
I've now been off birth control for 14 months, and have had 2 never ending cycles haha (89 days 0.o)

Now starting a new chapter, we are going threw fertility treatments haha!

I know God has a plan for me and maybe its to learn that nothing comes when you want it but only when He sees the time is right!

I pray for the heath of my future child weather its from me or someone else.

I pray that I'm on the path to being a good mother and wife, I love the life I have!

I would love to be more profound but I just have nothing great to say, I just speak my mind

Have a great day :)