All Ive wanted to be since I was 5 was a mommy...
In High school I just knew one of the guys there I was going to marry I just had to find him, by the time I was in college I though okay I'm just a late bloomer I'll meet someone soon.
But, God had other plans for me, I joined the military and loved ever part of being military, I was in and out of relationships but to me the relationships where not so important, my job was!
And in the mits of all that I found love, and the strangest thing was it was someone I was in high school with.
Someone who I ran in the same circle with but not someone I was that close to.
By this time I was 25, not sure if I ever wanted to get married, But after only dating only 5 short months I knew I was gonna marry him... 2 months later he proposed to me when I was still in uniform on the balcony of my apartment. At this point I knew I would get out of the military in less than a year, so we set the date for right after I got out.
6 months into the marriage, my love (obsession) for babies came back, and we pushed around the idea of starting a family of our own.
In Jan of 2010 I went off birth control, but we still where useing condoms sometimes still working on the final leap, stalking TTC boards and reading all I could about getting pregnant having babies.
I went so far to look up the first few years monthly cost and too see if we could save enough to get by with a baby.
Sometime later I got into the movie industry and had a blast and though wow this would be hard with a kid I dont need a kid a kid would just hold me back.
I want one
and I dont want one
Its back and forth things my life would change, I would have to get fat... I know that sounds petty but this is the first time in my life I really like what I look like, I'm at a good age I'm healthy happy married and just getting into something that takes alot of dedication and hard work, something I have always been interested in.
But maybe I wont have that choice to make, here I sit at CD 68. My last cycle started on 10 July 2010...
I have taken 3 HPT and one blood test and have an appointment with an OB next week
But what do I do for now, I obsess over what if the test where wrong and I'm pregnant... man I would love it... who cares about anything else right now besides the fact I want to be pregnant.... Is something wrong?... will I ever be able to have kids....
These are the things I sit up and think about at all hours of the night, I dont want to worry Tim so I dont think or talk about it all day, but then all night when the world is silent I worry... and that's so not like me.
I'm the go with the flow always happy girl....
I'm scared or what is or what is not!
I read up on what thing could be wrong... google is my nightmare!
