bed rest up...

So I had another appointment and I have increased in dilation I'm almost 3cm now and still 50% effaced but his head is sitting way lower. I also had a featal fibronectin test, basically a test that says if I could go into labor in the next few weeks or so... It came back negative so I got to stay on home bed rest and not be admitted back into the hospital.

My bed rest is a bit more strict now I can still get up to go to the bathroom but thats it now... I'm okay with this but I might start going crazy in another 3 weeks haha

Monday I have another appointment... so fingers crossed for no further change, I so don't want to be on hospital bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy...

life is not fair

From the time I was young I always wanted to be a mommy, but I waited to find the perfect guy... It took some time so I was an older bride than I though I would be, but okay I'm fine with that... But in that time I watched family and friends have oops kids... Ive seen some have abortions I've watched them walk away from there own kids for there own personal wants, and I have watched some take on the responsibility like a champ and be the best parents I know... I've watched grandmothers take custody unselfishly and Daddy's become Daddy's to other people's children...

I've seen both the good and the bad but all knowing I had it together I knew what I was going to do once I put my life together to get there.

And I did! I'm super happy with my life... I'm married to a wonderful man who has a great job with an income that provides for us both, I have the ability to work at my leisure and try and get acting jobs or work in the movies... something I've always wanted to do!

We own our own house have a big back yard and a wonderful dog!

We waited until our lives where ready, we had the "are we ready for kids" conversation and like the adults we where we started to try.

Both of us working on our first marriage and our first kid!

14 months of disappointment and I was diagnosed with PCOS... Though the disappointment did not last long and 6 days later we had the surprise of our lives when the second line turned pink! I though okay now things are ready to get interesting... We talked about the nursery the baby and names!

in 7 months we had the perfect name the perfect nursery, we where excited to meet our little man! Things still needed to get done but we knew we had time and we where in no rush to get him out...

And then at 30 weeks I'm in preturm labor and ventured onto bed rest....

I'm a good person, I've waited to do things right, but in the end I'm still a failed incubator... Where did I go wrong? When did I screw up so bad that I have to worry so much about my child's safety?

I know I'm not as bad as some and most of this is do able, I want my son to be heathy but I'm done with feeling like my life is all about having someone take care of me all the time...

My husband is wonderful but I know I'm taxing on him too, I don't have a lot of friends to call on to help me... but my house is a mess and my nursery needs finishing and I can't get up to do it :(

People think this is a vacation or they just forget I'm on bed rest... both are annoying

Bedrest

At 30 weeks Shepard threw us all for a loop in wanting to be an over achiever like his Daddy and tried making an early appearance!

I had a normal doctor's appointment on September 6^th and I had brought up concern about some spotting I had, so I was checked just to be sure and sure enough I was dilated one centimeter! So I was hoked up to the fetal monitor to check to see if I was contracting and after 20 min's on the monitor they saw that I was every contracting every two minutes!

I was then sent to the hospital where I was put on medications to stop my contractions. After 24 hours my contractions had stopped and the doctors wanted to keep me just one more night for observation before sending me home, during the night something happened to make Shepard’s heart-rate decelerated a few times in the night.

We where then very scared and very concerned for the heath and well being of our sweet baby boy. I had been put on a new medication during my observation, so in just to be safe they changed my meds again.

The next night I still had a few more decels and this really had my doctor concerned because I was in a hospital that did not have a NICU so on the 9^th of September I was moved hospitals.

I spent two night in the new hospital and though I had a few contractions here and there nothing was too bad to raise concern.

By September 12^th I saw a high risk pregnancy doctor who had gone over all my ultrasound I had done and all of my test. He told me that he thought the second meds I was put on had thined out my fulids and made it easer for Shepard to kink his cord, and now all of my fluids where back to normal he was having no more decels.

At that point I was finally released from the hospital and put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.