14 November 2013

Holden Zane

The birth of Holden starts before his birthdate! 
Sept 28th we took Shepard to the Pumpkin patch. At the pumpkin patch there was a corn maze so we took a walk threw that looking for pumpkin questions, during the maze I had one huge contraction where I felt him drop. 

Later that night I was talking to my mom and she informed me she was showing up the next day, that she was in a hotel half way between her house and mine. 

My mom gets there sometime around noon on the 29th of September, she only was able to be there for a few days she had to be back at work on the 2ed of October, I had been saying all along that he would be born on October 1st, so I was teasing my mom that she would be heading back home on his birthday. 
Shepard and I on our balls! 


On September 30th I had an appointment with my midwife, I had asked her to check me and I was 4cm with my bag of water bulging. 
Still not sure when we where having a baby we head to Earth fare (an organic grocery store) and then to Ruby Tuesday for diner. 

Right after we ordered I got the first big contraction, I walked to the bathroom and had another contraction, but still was feeling good. I came out and got me a salad from the salad bar. After I finished eating my salad I had a couple more big contractions so I started walking around to the empty table next to us. I had to walk to the bathroom again and this time I had my bloody show. I came back out and told my mom and Tim that no one was sleeping tonight.

We then got our dinner and I packed mine to-go since by that point the contractions where 5 mins apart and my appetite was gone, Tim then got the check and we headed back to the house around 8pm, when we got home my contractions where about 2-3 mins apart, Tim headed up stairs to get Shepard to bed as I worked on getting a sitter and my Doula, Leyna.

Our sitter was coming from a half hour away, so Tim calls one of his class mates from two doors down. Once he got there I was on my hands and knees with contractions almost on top of one another.

We finally got everything together and left the house around 8:45pm and got to the hospital about 9 pm. Tim dropped me and my mom off at the door and we headed to check in. After getting checked in on my walk to the floor I had to drop to my knees a few times.

As I walked into my room they had the tub prepped and ready to go, the nurse then checked me and I was 8cm, I then headed to the tub around 9:15pm.

Stepping into the tub took all the pressure off me, I felt the best I had felt since the contractions started.
Tim and Leyna showed up a few minutes later and both helping me and talking me threw the contractions. 
I started to feel overwhelmed by everyone being in the little bathroom and all the talking plus my contraction going fast and hard so I asked everyone to just leave the room. Everyone including my nurse and midwife left the room and I took a few deep breaths and told myself that I had this. In that moment my body convulsed into a natural push on its own and I yelled for everyone to come back in. 

As everyone came back in I reached down and could feel my bag of water bulging out, seriously one of the coolest things I ever felt! It was slick like a full water ballon. 
It took me a bit to get in a good position, I wanted to lean back but the tub was laying me too far back, so I told my husband to drop his pants and get in the tub, and he did no questions asked! Tim held me up in his arms and I was able to grip onto his knees and push. As Holden came out I watched my midwife grab the sizers, when I realized Holden was still in his bag of water. In the next second I had a baby on my chest! And when the time was asked it was only 9:36pm! 
All that took place in about 15 mins, it felt like forever and no time at all at the same time. 


I just sat there holding my new baby cuddled up in my husband's arms, as we waited for the cord to stop pulsing. I felt so happy and so relaxed at that point, this birth was everything I
hoped for! I had great support and awesome midwife and a wonderful birthing center!
After the cord was milked, Tim leaned over me and cut the cord.






After all that fun I got out of the tub and headed to the bed to be checked and to birth the placenta. I had a 3rd degree tare and had to get stitched up, but the whole time I was getting stitched up I got to hold onto Holden!
I was bleeding more than they would like so I ended up getting a shot of pitocin in my hip to help clamp my uterus down.

I was laying in bed holing Holden when all the sudden I started feeling sick and hot like I was gonna throw up. I knew I was gonna pass out so I passed off Holden to Tim. I got hooked up to an IV at that point and I'm not sure all what happened next hour or so.
Though I know his stats where taken then, Holden Zane was 8lbs 7oz and 19 in long! Completely perfect even with a purple head!

The next day big brother Shepard got to come and meet "little brother" and our family of 4 was all together for the first time!

*photos by my mom! 

02 January 2013

To start it all over again

People ask me all the time about my pregnancy and I always say I had a great pregnancy, except and the beginning when I was high risk and stressed out... and then the end when I had preturm labor...

Sounds like really it was not that great, But I loved being pregnant! I did not have morning sickness I felt great most of the time and I was super cute and in love with how I looked with a belly!

I loved the attention I got and the fun we had picking out names and designing the nursery... I say designing because you see once we got around to putting the nursery together I was on bedrest and had to have others do it for me...

So do I put myself threw this again??

I spent a week in the hospital and was with out my dog and that depressed me... I have a child now... what would I do... its not like I had time to find someone to watch him... My husband in now in school, so not like he can just run to my side... his boss gave him many days off to help me... now he will have none and we will have a child too...

My son has never been left with anyone but my mom, who lives 10 hours away...
I have no one...

I have only lived in this town for 6 months I don't have anyone I trust with my son's life... and my husband is in school he only has time off with the school...

I want another baby I do more than anything, I want Shepard to have a sibling, I want him to always have someone who has his back and understands him the way no one else could! I want him to have what I have in my brothers...

I'm scared...

I know in the end everything will work out we will make it work... We want another child...

But I'm scared...

How can I put Shepard through all of this again...

Shepard also spent a week in the hospital... What do I do if the new baby has to do the same?

I dont want to think about my fear...
But in the end,

I'm am just scared...